Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Kim taekmin / Chapter 4 initial draft / Summer 56

The reason why we work

 

Why do we work? The easiest answer is that we work to earn money, and I can't deny that money takes a big role in the reason why we work. However, money isn't the only reason that makes us work.

The first reason why we work is as you guessed, money. Most of the society in the world take capitalism and in the capitalist society, money is the only thing that makes us possible to survive. So, to survive or have a better life, we need to work, or at least do something to make money.

The second reason is that we work because we enjoy the work. There are things in the world, that we can do what we love to do and get paid. Also, when we work, we get stress and overcoming that difficulty brings us the sense of accomplishment. By accomplishing the task given, we can manage to have higher self-esteem and enjoy the work.

The third reason is that we are forced to work by the society. The society needs people to work, because if people start to stop working the society will collapse. So, the society teaches us that we need to work when we graduate school, and teaches us that working is good and enjoying life is bad as we saw on the Aesop Fable, The Ant and the Grasshopper.

I think we need to work because not everyone is born with wealthy parents. We were educated to be a worker, and we understand that we need to earn money to survive in this society. So, I think in this given situation, the best way is to find a work that we love and stick with it, because the first and the third reason is forcing us to work, but the second one is up to our choice.

2 comments:

  1. I read your writing well. Good start as a draft but I think you still need some changes. First of all, you are writing about reasons to work other than money. But you suggested money as a reason again in the first reason. I don't think that makes sense. Second, the third reason was that society forces you. I don't think it is different from the first reason. To live in a society, describing how the society forces you to work seems necessary in your writing. Thirdly, a title will make your writing more understandable and effective. Lastly, specifying what the reasons are in the conclusion instead of just saying 'second reason', 'third reason' will help the readers understand it better. I hope you find my comment useful.
    Thank you.
    Kim, Jusung / PSD

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  2. I fully agree to your opinion that money is the important reason of working, because there are many people who work for money than who work for their self-esteem. You well explained, but i have some suggestions to your writing. I think in first paragraph, thesis statement should be strengthen and it would be great that combine first and second paragraph.
    /yun jung hwan

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