In the reading, "How Your Birth Order Influences Your Life Adjustment," Lucille K. Forer suggests that being the oldest, middle, youngest, or only child can shape one's personality and behavior. In my opinion, I think the oldest child has the most appealing lives.
There are many reasons why the first child has the most appealing role. First, his parent's trains him to be responsible at a young age. They give him difficult tasks constantly because they want him to be capable of doing anything in the future. In result, the eldest grows up to be independent and reliable. Second, he serves as the role model for his siblings. His in a position where his brothers and sisters look up to him because he is older. This makes him to be more careful with his actions and decisions because he only wants to show good qualities to them. Lastly, he acts like the mini-parent especially when his parents are not around. He is in control for managing the house and he is reponsible for taking care of his younger siblings. Being the eldest child in the family shapes him to be a loving, caring, and family-oriented child.
In conclusion, the first child has the most attractive birth order because he has the best qualities. He knows how to handle responsibilities well, he sets a good example to his siblings, and he takes good care of them.
You started with a good intro! I like your quotation on Forer, and i think it makes your introduction catchy. Your idea on why the oldest child lives the most appealing life is clear, so i think you can write on your essay based on this. However, there are certain improvements that could be done in your writing in my opinion. First is to get examples and supporting ideas on each reasons to develop paragraphs of each one of them.
ReplyDeleteSecond suggestion is on grammar. Some grammar mistakes could be seen while reading your draft. My suggestion to change them is:
1. In my opinion, I think the oldest child has the most appealing lives.
→ In my opinion, I think the oldest child has the most appealing life.
2. First, his parent's trains him to be responsible at a young age.
→ First, his parents train him to be responsible at a young age.
3. Second, he serves as the role model for his siblings.
→ Second, he tries to be a role model for his siblings.
4. His in a position where his brothers and sisters look up to him because he is older.
→ He is in a position where his brothers and sisters look up to him because he is older.
I hope you find this suggestion helpful. thank you.
Kim, Jusung /PSD